It was Thursday, 21.04.2016. The day before, we went to the Spanish consulate to get my Single Status Certificate that was finally ready, and which we were trying to realize for months already (it gets complicated when the Spanish Ministry take ages to send you your Birth Certificate, and sending you the wrong one more than once). It was the last paper we missed to be able to marry so we decided to go to the Standesamt (registry office) to check if all our documents were correct or if we still needed something else. We went to get an appointment for our marriage too. We wanted to marry as soon as posible since our baby is about to come. To be married before she born makes it all much easier, for bureaucratic matters. Manfred and I didn't care when we marry since our souls are already married long time ago. For us, this is a governmental process and we plan to make a personally meaningful ritual in the future. What I would call The Wedding Party. It will probably take place in Spain and we will invite our beloved ones to share our union.
However, it happened that the whole situation became really emotional. Especially since was all truly unexpected.
My great friend Maria had come to visit me and it was her last day in Berlin. Manfred and I felt a bit guilty to bring her to a boring office in her last hours of holidays. But she is endlessly lovely and understanding and said she didn't care. In the morning, when we were dressing up, I made jokes about the marriage. I said that perhaps they would marry us this very same day, as you can do in Las Vegas, and therefore I should wear a dress in any case. I kind of had a premonition. So, even if a don't take my premonitions seriously to not get disappointed, I knew it was important to be prepared.
We went there, the three of us. Manfred and I were in a office with a women who was checking our documents. She was charming and funny. She dressed all in soft pink and she had a big cupboard covered with pictures of teddy bears drinking tee, gardening, playing in the beach... She found us charming too and make all kind of nice comments about my pregnancy and about how cute we were. When she looked the calendar for the next posible marriage appointment it was on the 8th of May.
"Mmm. It's a bit tight, isn't it?" She said referring to my birth date.
"Let see... perhaps tomorrow in the morning at nine o'clock?" She continued.
"Oh! Wait, how about today?" she finally claimed.
Manfred and I look to each other: "Really? Today? Now? Yes, of course!"
The women suddenly remembered that we needed a translator. Manfred and I were scared for a second that the whole thing wouldn't work out. The women smiled and said: "But you are understanding everything now, right?" I urgently confirmed that I was understanding everything: "Ja, ja" (big smile on my face, sweaty hands). Then she said loudly, so that the other women, the one that is actually the authority for the marriage, could listen: "Oh yes, I will test you now". And while saying this she winked at me.
So, just like that, we went on the crazy adventure of our marriage.
We talk with the women who was the civil registration officer and who makes sure that we marry on our free will and all this stuff. I was really nervous, trying to look secure so that the officer wouldn't doubt about my german language understanding. She seemed to accept my confirmation face and went to prepare the final document.
A little bit later Manfred, Maria and me were entering with the officer in the room where marriages take place. The room had the decorative intention to be elegant and special. It even had a pot of flowers. Despite we were doing the whole thing in the faster version and without the typical traditions (no rings interchange, no music, no guests) the officer tried to make it romantic. She read a nice poem and made photos of all of us. Manfred cried of happiness. Maria too. I was too nervous and surprised to cry, but a couple of tears fell down when the poem was read by the officer. It was all so beautifully crazy, so out-of-the-norm. I realized in this moment that this is how our life is and how it always work perfect for us. We are often out of the norm. It is our style.
I feel blessed by the casualty of life. I'm fortunate to celebrate my love with no extra expectation: it makes this day more perfect than if we would have planed it. I was extremely lucky to have Maria next to me in this important moment of my life, being part of all of this because Reality wanted it like that. I said it already but I may repeat it: We are truly the lucky ones.
After the marriage the three of us went to eat something. We wanted to celebrate despite Maria was already having not much time before her fly back to Madrid. She took a taxi to the airport to have a little bit more time to eat with us. It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun shined and life was better than ever.
Side note: Dear Spanish and German family and friends, do not worry. We promise you we will make a huge great party to give you the opportunity to celebrate our love with us. Just be patient, please, so that we are able to make it as we really desire it to be.
Spring is shyly arriving to the city. The sky remains grey but the spirit of the people is totally into the new season. Trees are beautifully blooming as my womb bloom too. I am in the end of the 37th week of my pregnancy and this belly of mine grows every single day. I feel how my little girl is getting uncomfortable as she has each day less space to swim inside. She is very active, pushing her feet and hands to the outside, like if she was trying to make place around her. I was lucky to not store liquid in my legs.... until now. My ankles are getting thicker and it's a truly uncomfortable sensation. I'm glad that it didn't happen before. I feel sorry for those who have this condition since the fifth month, or earlier.
My childhood friend Maria has come to Berlin to visit me/us and we are just chilling around. It's our best way to be together, just being. And also, she makes great portraits of me, don't you think? I guess that is because she brings out the best of me. I am feeling happy, really happy.
Manfred and I have always been the coffee-and-cigarette breakfast kind of people. There is a pervert pleasure in this combination but I am aware it is a really bad routine. It doesn't help you to start the day with a clear brain. It doesn't give you any kind of energy or nutrition. And if you are able to be honest to yourself you realize that it doesn't makes you feel good either. It is more of a psychological need, the caffeine and the nicotine. Your mind wants it but your body doesn't. Actually, that first coffee gives you a false feeling of clearness and that first cigarette makes you dizzy again.
We often make secret jokes about the people that live a perfectly healthy life. Somehow we don't want to identify ourselves with this lifestyle because we also have this romantic view about being fucked up. We actually are aware of the benefits of living healthily and we try to keep a balance between both ways of living. Keeping clean bodies but, time to time, poisoning them in lovely dosis. The funny thing is that, without extra intention on it, we are getting more into the healthy side of the balance. Perhaps we are feeling old. Probably we are just getting more connected to the needs of our organism. We know we should listen to it and please its request.
Some months ago Manfred quitted smoking cigarettes completely. Already before he had combined smoking cigarettes with smoking e-cigarette, to reduce smoking the first ones. Eventually he realized he enjoys more the e-cigarette (which is also more playful in terms of choosing the right device and the right aroma). I quitted smoking because I had no choice being pregnant and all. But we both stuck to starting the day with a coffee.
Anyhow, last month Manfred got a strong flu after riding the bike under the rain (such a strong flu that he had hallucinations while sleeping, he was so sweet being so helpless...) I bought plenty of ginger, lemons and honey and I kept making him drink this tea three times a day, starting at breakfast time. I did the tea for me too and I realized that I didn't miss the coffee. Drinking the tea we both felt more clear and awake. We felt stronger and cleaner. Since then I try to avoid this first morning coffee. If I do drink a coffee, I do it later in the day. I go to a coffee place in my neighborhood which is really charming and has nice music in the background. There, they make the best coffee of the district: great quality and prepared slowly and with love. I transform the coffee ritual in something special.
At home I change the coffee-and-cigarette for the tea-and-a-bowl-of-goodness. The tea is, as I already described, a mix of fresh ginger, lemon and honey. Sometimes, if I had it at home, I add fresh mint. The bowl contains yogurt, puffed oats, walnut, apple, banana, a bit of honey and some kind of berry (sometimes strawberries, sometime raspberries, sometime blueberries). When I am feeling enthusiastic I buy the ingredients in the BIO supermarket but to be honest it only makes a different with the yogurt, lemon and honey.
Sometimes, at the weekend, I do scramble eggs too. I love them, I love eggs (the eggs are also specially tasty when they are BIO). Below, pictures of different breakfast times. Also, breakfast in company is always nicer.
Yesterday was the birthday of my blog. Three years already that we are together and more than 36.000 visits that we have received. Life has changed since then... so much! Or better said: we have changed, my blog and I. I use this space however I feel like: no filter, no big ambition, no structure... and it makes me happy to keep it that way. It is just what I want it to be. Each time different, because each time I feel different.
Today I just looked back into the archive and I discovered two funny things. One is that, when I made the first blog-anniversary-post, I did it one month before it was supposed to be. The second is that, at the time of the "second blog anniversary", I completely forgot it and didn't do any special post. Instead I posted this, which is a great post, by the way.
Now I am in the third chance to do a blog-anniversary-post and I am more aware of it than ever. Perhaps I am more aware in general about my life. I am more settled down and more sure about the lifestyle I want to have. Living where I want to live with the person I want to be, doing exactly what I desire to do. I am making a family and, therefore, building a future. When I think about it I am surprised of how much I have grown in the last three years. When I started this blog I was a joyful, frivolous girl. Now I am joyful and frivolous too, but I don't think I am a girl anymore. I feel that I have become a women. A mature women who make conscious and thoughtful decisions. Like becoming mother: it wasn't casualty of life, it was a choice Manfred and I made. Of course, I still have so much to experience and to learn about growing older (keeping the soul young). I still have to realize important task in my life like, for example, eventually getting a real job. But I don't need to hurry for anything because, if there is something I have learned, it is that I need my time and rhythm to do things properly, to make the right choices. I have learned too that we live life in a illogical and stressful hurry and that certain happiness only comes when you get slower and more patient. This is the kind of happiness I want to provide to my daughter: a vibe of security based on having a relaxed soul that gives space to the mind to think in a clear and pragmatic way.
As you see I am feeling peaceful today. The little one inside of me is being especially active and we were playing to press each other, having some kind of tactile interaction. In the morning I skyped with my sister and it was a great two hours conversation. At midday I had a lovely lunch time with Manfred (we are lucky, his office is just 10 minutes walking from home). And, as a final sweet event of the day to add to the other good stuff, I received a box from Spain full of nice things. I actually made the box myself, back in Christmas, so I knew what was inside. But for different reasons I couldn't realize the sending until few days ago, so when I opened the box I was surprised and pleased once again. The majority of things are Christmas presents and personal objects of mine that were still in my mother's house. There was also one present from a friend that was added to the inside of the box once I was already in Germany, so there was also something new and unknown to discover. It really felt like Christmas again, a springtime Christmas happiness. I chose some of the items from the box to show you. Some are chosen because they are meaningful. Others because they are beautiful or cool. All of them make me happy. It's great to be surprised by the same thing more than once, isn't it? Especially when it's by something good.
1. The unseen Christmas present and its packaging. A book called "To be mother, for lazy ones". Really useful and funny, perfect for me. The witch-inspired covering, perfect too.
2. A cute fish and a cute pocket for the tv remote control, to hang from the arm of the sofa (we don't have tv but it is great for Manfred's e-cigarette). Both are handmade by Inés, a cousin of mine. You can see here which other cute stuff she makes.
3. A blanket of perfect colours. Knitted by Marta, a sister of my grandfather.
4. The favourites ones from my book collection.
-"Faeries" by Brian Froud and Alan Lee. The best fairy book ever made. My bible as a child.
-"Hundertwasser" by Harry Rand, editorial Taschen. My bible as a young girl discovering myself. Friedensreich Hunderwasser was my philosophical and artistic idol.
-"Hundertwasser, architecture" editorial Taschen. I bought the book when I was in Vienna working as a babysitter and visited for the first time the "Hundertwasserhaus".
5. An analog loud speaker for the mobile phone. Made ecologically and with no need of electricity.
6. Goodness from Spain. Five litres of virgin olive oil, delicious Spanish sausage called "salchichón" and saffron from "la mancha" (which have non comparison in aroma with saffron from other places).
7. A swing from Guatemala, for my little one. Brough personally by my best friend Maria.
I am starting to worry about the size of my belly. Looks like it's too little. It seems that people don't realize, or even believe, that I am pregnant. I got this conclusion based on experiences I had these last days on the streets: people just don't see my belly. They may think I am just fat... The thing is that, indeed, my belly is not so big. A couple of doctors already said to me that my baby is a bit little. But they also have said that the blood I pass to her is flowing in correct amounts and that despite she is little, she is still inside of the healthy parameters. So... I decided to not be too concerned by the situation because I also know that my mother gave birth to little babies and we are all healthy and without growth problems. And also, I have in mind that if she is not so big, it will be easier to bring her out of me when I go into labour.
Perhaps the date of my pregnancies development is miscalculated and I am in a earlier state than the doctors have told me. However, I wasn't thinking so much about the size of my belly until I started having this embarrassing situations where people don't take me seriously when I claim to be pregnant.
I don't want to worry too much in general because I am not supposed to feel stress. I realize now clearly that it was the most relevant factor that influenced my cervix, making it shorter before it was time for it. It is difficult to not let stress get into you, sometimes it gets into you and you don't even become aware of it. Life is just stressful sometimes. Manfred and I have to solve some aspects of our lives before she arrives to the world: there is paperwork to do like taxes and marriage certificates, a kitchen to re-do, storage space to create in the corridor, to buy a couple of important baby furnitures, to do the pre-birth course, to decide for a hospital... And you have to add to this the daily routine of duties like to shop, to clean and to work.
But then, I try to have in mind all the time: do not let life overwhelm you, do not stress yourself, enjoy this last time you still have her inside of you, swimming like a fish. Because, you know? It is easy to complain and to feel the victim of reality. It is really easy to position yourself into self-pity. But you have to reflect yourself and be honest when you look your circumstances. I think about other people, like my roommate in the hospital some weeks ago. Her pregnancy was truly complicated from the very beginning and she had to spend weeks, perhaps months, in this hospital room. As her, a lot of other women have really complicated pregnancies (complicated lifes and families too) that, if I would be in their situation, I would feel miserable. I look these pictures from two weeks ago and I realize that Manfred and me are on the side of the lucky ones. We are healthy, we are strong and we are happy. We can spend Saturdays naked in the bed loving each other, seeing the afternoon pass by our room and cuddling while wondering about how she will look or how her personality will surprise us. I see these pictures and they remind me that we have a luxurious lifestyle. And I am not talking about an economical luxury but about an emotional luxury. What I am about to say will sound extremely cheesy but I must say it: We are blessed by the Universe that surrounds us and contains us.
