A couple of weeks ago we received visitors. (Little) part of our family came to Berlin to meet you, Fauna. Your grandfather was so excited to know you that he came only one day because he didn't have time for more. Still, he made the effort to travel from far away just for you. He held you in his big arms the whole day and you seemed to love it. You didn't complain one single time.
Your dad had to work but he did it really efficiently to have time to be with all of us.
Your wonderful aunt Monica came for few days together with her boyfriend. Well, we will call him your uncle since they are together for almost a decade. She covered you with love as she is the best in doing that. We had fun all together walking through our neighborhood. It was a very sweet time.
Ah! I wish this would happen often. Like once a month or so.
This quiet kind of morning. Wet streets, green shadows, grey light. This kind of June breathe. The silence. The timelessness. Your soft breathing sounds. You, sleeping over the couch. Our living room. Nothingness.
This kind of Monday. Rainy Sunday, yesterday. The time has stopped. The outside world, disappeared. You and me. And nothingness.
The atmosphere that I have dreamed when I decided to bring you to this world.
You, my piece of cotton. Sometimes I still don't believe you are real. I forget you transformed me into a mother. I look at you and wonder if it was truly me the one who did it. I made you. I brought you. Now, I look after you.
The last days were happy but full. Grandpa was here, aunt and uncle too... They came from far away to see you. A lot of walks through the neighborhood. A lot of sound from the city entering through your ears. You were always kind and quiet. Being peaceful in the arms of others. Being the cute little cloud they came to meet.
But it made you tired, I know. You were exhausted and you let me know. In the night it was getting harder to fall asleep. Therefore, today we do nothing. Yesterday we did nothing. Because you deserve the silence. You deserve the emptiness. You deserve the sound of the rain falling, making you relaxed. You deserve the Sunday and the Monday so you can sleep and dream and float while papa and me watch you to exist.
It is what I want. This kind of life.
Everybody says: Enjoy this time when they are so tiny because it goes away really fast and you will miss it.
Yes; I know I will miss it. The same way I already feel nostalgia for the pregnancy period. But the truth to be told, it took me two weeks to be able to really enjoy Fauna. To observe her when she sleeps. To laugh with her honest and ridiculous face expression. To be relaxed when she cries. To talk to her sweetly.
The beginning was too intense for me. For everybody else too, I guess. It is hard: the breast dependency she has, the lack of intimacy with Manfred, the missing time for myself (and well, for everything else too)... But now I feel different. I feel in control and balance. I am in a better mood and I have fun being alone with her while Manfred works. I manage to cook and to make the laundry. I even manage to blog!! Of course, with Fauna sleeping over my lap.
She is already growing. Little, but not so little as in the beginning. Sleeping less, and therefore, experiencing boredom. Having new face expressions and giving me the impression that she is looking into my face. I'm almost sure that she recognize my voice and Manfred's too. But who knows...
Yesterday we felt the biggest satisfaction since she is born. She smiled for the first time. It was really nice that Manfred and me were looking at her in this very moment.
After so much crying and sleeping, smiling is a huge reward. Well, she didn't repeat it since then. We have to wait for the next reward.
Yes, now we are two. Two different bodies to cover with clothes.
Myself, I am doing what I can since most of my clothes are too tight for my current size. Complication added: I have to put my breast out really often in the day. So my options are quite limited now. I'm so sad to look my tiny mini skirts knowing that they won't be used this summer.
For Fauna, I like to dress her the most simple and comfortable way possible. I don't understand why baby clothes have pockets or decorative bottoms or things like that. That's why I like the combination she wears in the photos below: she look like a yoga master. I tried to show her outfit to the camera but well.... It's difficult when you are handling a super flexible newborn body.
