The Smoker Caterpillar: May 2017

Twelve months and eight days ago Fauna came out of my womb. The birth. The first days. The first months of life. I barely remember them. Her presence and existence is so tangible in the now that those days seem far away. It's unbelievable what a human learns and transforms in its first year of life. Unbelievable how all those states of mind simply and progressively appear: desire to laugh and have fun, need for tenderness, casual pleasure, dissatisfaction and frustration, trance while disconnected from the surroundings... All the ways little children have to communicate without verbal language. Signs that we, adults, relearn to understand. They are so pure while they have no verbal language. Their minds are empty of letters and words but yet full of impressions, experiences and thoughts. This age where Fauna is right now feels delicious to me. I love it. The deep intimacy that we share (I enjoy breastfeeding now more than ever before). The gestures of love. Her honesty and openness. Her expressions and preferences. Her character. Fauna with her face. Fauna her forms and her movements. The total calmness she has while sleeping, empty of tension.
Fauna has dark blonde hair and dark grey eyes. She is tinny but healthy in her weight and length. She is active but quiet, cautious but brave, very aware of her surroundings. She is careful when trying out and has control over her motion. She is independent. She is very curious about objects, lights, and the space around. She sleeps very good through the night and in her morning nap. She eats very good too. She wants to try anything if Manfred and I are eating it. And most of the times she likes it. She plays with the boundaries and prohibition in such genuine way, very measured and unnoticeable, that I find myself having no desire to interrupt her. She is learning to point to things and she smiles while doing it. She is slowly getting to use the spoon in a proper way when eating, but her hands are still her best tool. She is also standing up and eventually walking few steps. Perhaps it is because I am her mother but I find her morphology and movements very elegant.
Manfred and I don't press her intelectual development at all. We like to observe how she grows all by her own will (like walking or talking). We definitely enjoy this "primitive" phase of her. We get a blue when we realized that this time is quite ephemeral. She will be a grown up in a eyes blink.

As a child I used to daydream a lot. Basically, that's all I did. One of my favourite imagination theme was my future house. I loved to picture how it would look like. How I will decorated it. It was fantasy and, of course, it allowed great ideas with no limitations. Now that I am a grown up I have learned something about decoration: It is a process that never ends. The house you live in is permanently transforming as you do. It evolves along with you and your circumstances. The furniture, the personal items, make your space comfortable because you give them life with time. The house has a character itself too that influences you and the way you use it. I am a person who truly inhabits the living space. I think I am very attached to my home and I grow roots very fast if I feel welcomed.
Years ago, when Manfred moved into this apartment, it was right after a long relationship so he had the strong vision of a single lifestyle. The rooms where minimalist. They were practically empty of furniture. A huge sofa and the vintage hi-fi were the elements that dominated the living room. In the bedroom, just a mattress on the floor and a standing bathtub next to the window. Then we met and he opened widely the doors of his intimacy to me. I immediately adapted and felt like I was always here. Unavoidably I started to influence the atmosphere of the house and it became more crowded.
We actually moved out for two years while we lived in Halle. So when we came back we started more or less from zero, in decorative terms. And this time the apartment had to be adapted for three inhabitants! It is a two rooms house so Manfred and I made an agreement. The living room would remain as minimal as possible, keeping it with clean lines and male tones. In the bedroom I could do what I want, making it as ornamental as I desire. And that's how the bedroom became a fairyland.

I have always been obsessed with details. With hidden elements. Things you don't realize at the first view. Things you have to dig in. I try to create a bedroom to dream. A place which inspires you to fantasize. A room for Fauna to discover. Colorful, bright and flowery. It has two faces: the daily one and the nocturnal. The daylight atmosphere pretends to be a garden (due to the lack of balcony and backyard). The nocturnal feels like an underwater world.
It is probable that I still will change details here and there (because I am observing all the time and finding new little things to put into "perfection") but I am satisfied with it. It truly invites you to enter and relax.