Atmosphere. Christmas Restrospective

Personal. Bits and pieces of Fauna

Oh, Fauna! You grow up so fast... I have no time to adapt. I am not even able to reflect on our relationship from a distance point of view. It is all about the moment. It is all about being together: playing, eating, dancing, sleeping... There is no trace of a baby in you! You understand the world thats surround you very well. You are very interested in interacting with other humans, specially children. You are hungry for information. You want to talk. And the day I took this pictures, you chose this blue dress from my wardrobe. 
You developed many ways to express your love to us. Ways to ask for comfort in our arms. Is so sweet, such a climax, to received your love that I can't really express how I feel. The only thing I know is that there is a new emotion. So intense that it frighten me. Some kind of communion between your childhood and mine. I hold you and we dance. And I feel you and then I'm seeing the child I was. Suddenly she is so alive and clear. And I then I cry because is a strong emotion. I know that all of this is just the love I feel for you. Becoming stronger day by day. And the love I feel for me, next to you. The love I feel for the child I was. The love I feel for the best version of my self that I can be. 

My 26th birthday

Today is my 26th birthday. This morning I got my first period since I have been pregnant. I have lived without it 26 months. It's a funny coincidence that I got my actual first period in the morning of my 15th birthday. Life is a curious thing, full of coincidences.

In this moment, inside my home, Fauna and Fabia are sleeping a nap, Manfred builds up a coil sitting at the dinning table while my sister Mónica reads a book lying over the sofa (her bed). This morning I woke up to a table covered with beautiful things to unpack and later we went to celebrate the breakfast. It has been a slow lazy day so far. It is rainy and windy outside. Just like I like it.
There is a magic smell floating in the air. It means nothing but it gives the taste of atmosphere. I am feeling really happy and grateful. I don't expect anything more. Because it is already perfect.

Manfred gave me this amazing jacket as my birthday present. It comes from Sasas Vintage, Mannheim.

Adventure. Mediterranean atmosphere: Sitges.

Last weekend we escaped the big city. We went to visit my lovely friend Lorena who lives together with her boyfriend Roberto in Sitges. It was a wonderful break of our routine. It was totally "The Mediterranean Experience", something I didn't really get to know until now. It was hot, slightly humid and full of naked bodies (that weekend the Gay Pride Parade took place there so you get the picture). During these three days we basically sleep, eat, went to the beach and repeat. As my friend Lorena described it in a Instagram post it was: Only pleasure!
Sitges was a little fisher village in the past so it has an old part that is very well conserved and very cozy. You can see many boats in the sea but there is no traditional fishing activity anymore. The beautiful aesthetics together with the long beaches and the fact that it is very near to Barcelona made this place very famous as a holiday paradise. Back in the seventies, when Spain started to exploit the tourism massively, it started to grow and expand. But, oppositely to most of the Spanish Mediterranean coast, Sitges keeps a intimate and quiet vibe. This place made me daydream about colonialism, pirates, mermaids and all kind of romantic clichés about the sea. My eyes where continuously pleased. It is all Prussian blue, lime white, turquoise and the beautifulest tones of ochre. Really beautiful.
Thank you Lorena and Roberto for hosting us. Thank you for the delicious food, the relaxed walks and talks, the good smoky laughs, the beauty and quietness of your home. And thank you very much for all the love.

Personal. Fauna, 1 year.

Twelve months and eight days ago Fauna came out of my womb. The birth. The first days. The first months of life. I barely remember them. Her presence and existence is so tangible in the now that those days seem far away. It's unbelievable what a human learns and transforms in its first year of life. Unbelievable how all those states of mind simply and progressively appear: desire to laugh and have fun, need for tenderness, casual pleasure, dissatisfaction and frustration, trance while disconnected from the surroundings... All the ways little children have to communicate without verbal language. Signs that we, adults, relearn to understand. They are so pure while they have no verbal language. Their minds are empty of letters and words but yet full of impressions, experiences and thoughts. This age where Fauna is right now feels delicious to me. I love it. The deep intimacy that we share (I enjoy breastfeeding now more than ever before). The gestures of love. Her honesty and openness. Her expressions and preferences. Her character. Fauna with her face. Fauna her forms and her movements. The total calmness she has while sleeping, empty of tension.
Fauna has dark blonde hair and dark grey eyes. She is tinny but healthy in her weight and length. She is active but quiet, cautious but brave, very aware of her surroundings. She is careful when trying out and has control over her motion. She is independent. She is very curious about objects, lights, and the space around. She sleeps very good through the night and in her morning nap. She eats very good too. She wants to try anything if Manfred and I are eating it. And most of the times she likes it. She plays with the boundaries and prohibition in such genuine way, very measured and unnoticeable, that I find myself having no desire to interrupt her. She is learning to point to things and she smiles while doing it. She is slowly getting to use the spoon in a proper way when eating, but her hands are still her best tool. She is also standing up and eventually walking few steps. Perhaps it is because I am her mother but I find her morphology and movements very elegant.
Manfred and I don't press her intelectual development at all. We like to observe how she grows all by her own will (like walking or talking). We definitely enjoy this "primitive" phase of her. We get a blue when we realized that this time is quite ephemeral. She will be a grown up in a eyes blink.

Childhood. Fauna, your first trip to Madrid.

Dear Fauna, two weeks ago we flew to Madrid for the first time in your life. Madrid is the place where I was born and I grew up. It is the place where your grandmother and great-grandmothers live. You were then close to become 11 months old. I wanted to bring you there before you become 1 year old. 
We spent one week in the house of your grandmother Matilde. You connected very well. She gave you the breakfast almost every morning and you played a lot together. She also bathed you and gave you the dinner every night. One day she even made you sleep at night time. You liked her house a lot and the playground that is close by. One day we went to Toledo to visit your grandfather Tolo and he also made you sleep carrying you in your Mei Tai. This fact is important to remember since sleeping is the most difficult activity for you to do without me or your father. 
The first days were hard for you because I concentrated all the big meetings then. The day we arrived you met your great-grandmother Matilde who is 92 years old. She is mother of 11, grand mother of 35, and great-grandmother of 16. She is endlessly peaceful and always in a good mood. The second day we spend it in "El Guijo", where your grandmother lives, hanging around with some old friends of mine. The third day we went to your grandfather's and my lovely friend Maria came with us. The forth day was quite intense because we went to meet your great-grandmother Maribel and many other family members came too. It was too loud, too crowded... too much. But it was very special for Maribel because you are her first great-grand child. That day you received many presents as well and I got to see cousins I didn't see for very long time. 
After this stressful time I kept it quiet and relaxed for you. On Sunday we went to "La Pedriza", a natural park I have always loved very much. We were many people too, but nature keeps you in a good mood. We hanged around next to crystalline river and made picnic. You slept a very long nap there. It was a wonderful day with live music, courtesy of my friend Jaime which is a musician I like to sing and improvise with when ever we have a chance. 
On Monday it took place a reencounter with my friends Lorena, Sara and Paula. It was cool for you because we were in the playground and it was all about you. The last two days left we were just enjoying the house of grandma and the beautiful surroundings. Your uncle Fernando was with us.
Oh! I almost forgot to say that you learned at least three things that week. You started to stand up and now you do it constantly. You opened a closed every door you found on your way. Also, you swing a lot those days at the playground and you loved it! You even put your self into movement playing with the balance of your body. 

For me was a needed trip because I missed the place and my people very much. Everything went smoothly and perfectly. Me and my mother were in harmony, and this is exactly what I needed. I cooked for her and I felt very cozy in what was my home as a child. I didn't want to leave but I collected energy until the next visit. Hopefully we will be back this summer and you will learn to swim at the pool with your amazing grandmother and, at the ocean, with your brave grandfather.